


Wait

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Series: Kitty Bellies: Tyler and Josh being soft bois [6]
Category: Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Driving, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, Longing, M/M, Pining, Touching, Trench Era, Truth, talking in a car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 16:51:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: Josh is fed up and angry with Tyler. He takes him for a drive into the desert so they can speak in private.





	Wait

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I'm back. :) I've spent a few months away from this fandom, but I think I'll pop in now and again since I am in a better place mental health-wise. I have missed these bois.
> 
> I’ve decided to make a series and include all the stories I’ve written so far as well where I let the bois be their soft selves. These stories can be read in any order since the main theme is cotton candy fluffiness (sometimes sexy fluffiness and why not?)

**“I am holding on to pieces of us that I just can’t let go  
I know this is a desperate kind of love but it feels like home”**

“You’re quiet.”  
Tyler’s tucked his leg under his thigh, half-turned so he can look at Josh. The seatbelt stretches across his chest, looped under his armpit. Not exactly efficient but it should still keep him from flying out of the windshield if his drummer decides to crash the car.  
Josh white-knuckles the steering wheel with his right hand. His left elbow rests against the door, hand occasionally tracing the shape of his top lip with his calloused fingertip. It rubs against his stubble.  
I should have shaved, Josh muses.  
  
The car is cold. There’s a shiver building somewhere inside him. He can feel it.  
“Jishwa?”  
Josh watches the road, his heart thumping in his ears. Tyler’s blinking rapidly, confusion a mask on his tanned face.  
  
This is the first time they’ve been alone in a long time. This is a stolen moment.  
No Jenna. No Debby. No fans. No tour bus.  
  
“Joshua, why aren’t you talking to me? Are you mad at me?”  
Josh sighs, his chest rising and falling under his green hoodie. “Yes.”  
Finally, he speaks. Tyler wants to reach out. Touch him. Tyler knows better, though, because when Josh is this upset he shies away from contact in a hurtful way.  
  
“Yes you’re mad at me?”  
From the side view Josh looks like he’s pouting.  
“Yes Tyler. I’m mad at you.”  
There’s a light up ahead. One little round point of light. Josh fixates it. The darkness outside offers no other distraction.  
Tyler bites into his ruby lip. Small nervous bites, like he’s trying to remove chapped skin. His fingers tap against his thigh.  
  
“What did I do, Josh? You asked me to come with you. You said you needed to talk. I’m here. What did I do?”  
Tyler really wants to caress Josh. Put a hand over his. He hasn’t touched him in so long. Someone is always around. Jenna never leaves him alone. The most he can get is a bro hug. He misses the warm sensation of his skin against Josh’s.  
Is this what this trip is about? Is Josh upset they’re never unaccompanied?  
  
The pavement markers are yellow. They disappear under the car like long streamers as Josh drives on.  
Yellow. Trench yellow. Josh fucking hates yellow.  
  
“I can’t do this anymore, Tyler.” There’s the shiver. Crawling up his spine and spreading like electric webs to his extremities.  
“I don’t understand.” Josh speaks in riddles. Sometimes it exhausts Tyler to the point of migraine.  
“What, Josh? What can’t you do?”  
  
Josh swerves unexpectedly and pulls over. Pebbles fly. They make an unpleasant noise.  
The headlights illuminate a little stretch of desert until Josh turns the key and invites darkness.  
  
Tyler’s eyes are shiny. He blinks.  
Josh’s eyes crinkle. He blinks.  
Tyler beseeches. Josh pulls away.  
There it is. The shun.  
  
“I can’t keep going through this, Ty. This charade. This game we play.” His voice cracks.  
Tyler knows. He knows exactly what this is. Josh had a similar breakdown during the hiatus.  
  
“Josh… “ the _sh_ in his name shakes the molecules of the air.  
“What, Ty? Are you going to tell me for the thousandth time that you’re married? That you love her but you love me, too? That to save your image this is how it has to be?”  
  
Tyler rubs his head. His hair is growing back. Tufts sprout from between his fingertips.  
“Yes. All those things. Josh, you know I love you. And I’ve missed you… “  
  
Josh fits his baseball cap down further. It shadows his russet eyes. He shakes his head and Tyler stops breathing.  
  
“Not good enough.”  
The shiver has crept into his long fingers, making them tremble as he points to Tyler’s chest.  
“There’s a heart in there, Tyler. And it beats for _me_. You may think she makes you happy, but it’s a lie. A lie you’ve been telling yourself because you don’t have the courage to be who you are. Go look at every picture we take. You’re always smiling. Truly smiling. If not laughing. I’m the same. The construction of your lie castle is so fragile, Tyler, that even you don’t believe it anymore. It’s embarrassing how fake we look when we’re with them.”  
  
Tyler winces because the truth hurts. Josh has a way of serving it raw and cold. Difficult to force down.  
  
“What do you want, Jishwa? What can I do? I don’t understand what you want from me.” His chest hurts. There’s a constriction, like someone sitting on his sternum. It’s called desperation.  
  
Josh’s teeth chatter. He can see the words he wants to say through the fog of Tyler’s breath.  
“I want _you. YOU_ , Ty. I’m holding on to pieces of us. That’s all I have. Pieces of you that you allow me to have that then leave me torn apart.”  
A single tear travels the length of Josh's freckled nose.   
  
Tyler squeezes his bony knee. “You’re right. I'm sorry. All I've ever done is lead you on.”  
“I know.” Josh isn’t being facetious for once. "Do you realize how much this hurts? What it does to me to see you and her disappear every night? You know I like her, but neither she nor you deserve this lie you're living."   
"What about you? Why are with Debby then?"  
Josh guffaws loudly. "I like Debby. I enjoy her company. What I didn't do is promise eternal love to her and put a ring on it."   
Tyler is grateful for the darkness. It hides his shame.   
"I don't think I can live without you, Tyler. If you don't man up, if you have no intention of ever being with me then I'm going to have to leave. Living without you but seeing you every day will kill me. I just... can't. This isn't an ultimatum. This is a wake-up call. Either you love me or you don't. Either you want to be mine, and mine alone, or you don't."   
A silence falls that swells with judgement and Tyler opens up his heart.   
“I love you, Josh. I want to be with you. If not owning my feelings means losing you... I can't risk that. You're all I know. You're all I want. I just need to ask you one thing. Can you wait until this tour is finished? Can you let the fans have this without added drama? We owe them this. We put them through a lot last year.”  
Warmth envelopes Tyler’s hand. It’s a Joshler hand sandwich.  
Josh is choked up, his hands trembling ever so slightly. "I love you, Ty. With all of me. But what you're asking...another year? Don't we owe the fans our happiness?”  
Tyler nods. “We do. But it's more complicated than that. You know this. There are other people involved."   
“To me it isn't. It isn't at all complicated. But fine. I don't want to back you into a corner. What about Jenna?”  
Tyler sighs. “What about Debby?”  
Josh is not amused. “I’m not married to Debby. I'll break it off with her tomorrow.”  
“No, you’re not married. Indeed." The singer looks at nothing. There’s nothing outside the car but pitch. "Give me the tour, Jish. Please. It’s been years, what’s one more? My love won’t fade. I promise. Then I'll ask for a divorce. Let's just get through this tour, please.”  
  
Tyler collects what’s left of his pride. It’s scattered all over the sullied soul he carries like a weighted vest.  
  
Josh inches forward, over the console.  
“You're always asking for more than I think I can give, Ty. But fine. I’ll give you the year."  
The singer is relieved, his shoulders suddenly lighter. "Thanks Joshie."  
"Sure, Ty Ty.” Josh's tone is despondent but at least now he has a deadline. Something to look forward to.   
  
Tyler grins, running his thumb along Josh's palm. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”  
Josh remembers. “You haven’t called me Jishwa in as long.”  
Tyler remembers. He inhales and lets the air out slowly.   
“I want to kiss you, _Jishwa_.” Tyler moistens his lips. He kisses the drummer with his gaze.  
  
Josh reaches through the frigid air and fingers the apple of Tyler’s rosy cheek. “So kiss me already," he whispers.   
  
Two boys melt into each other. Just like it was, and it always will be. Natural and perfect.  
Tyler sucks a bit on Josh’s lower lip before Josh nips lightly at his. Josh’s needy tongue catches on the top of his lower teeth, and Tyler licks over it.  
Josh whimpers and the brunette flicks the tip in quick brushes.  
Their cheeks hollow.  
  
The emergency light blinks in time to the drummer’s pulse.  
A heart materializes on the side window, drawn there some days before by Josh's quivering hand. Their hot breaths bring it to life like Josh’s love brings Tyler to life.  
  
Over smacks and longing moans, swirling tongues and probing hands, Tyler withers into Josh’s embrace.  
  
Josh’s nose ring glimmers in the rear lights of a car that passes. He strokes Tyler’s soft hair.  
“This time next year, Josh. Promise. Wait for me. I’ll love you like you’ve never felt the pain.”  
Josh kisses his cupid’s bow. “I’ll wait, Ty. I’ll always love you. I'll love you until the day after forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, frens.  
> Lyrics and title used in content from NF's "Wait" and "Little do you know" by Alex and Sierra.


End file.
